So we did a little Easter egg hunt with Claire yesterday you can see some clips below. But what I didn’t get in the clips are some of Claire’s best quotes from the week. So let me share them with you in the form of a short Easter Day Three Act Play.

Disclaimer: The events in the following are loosely interpreted from my memory. Some happened exactly as written. Some are a blending of multiple experiences. Others are laced with pure fiction to help give the quotes background. All of Claire’s words are exact and all quotes from me and Hillary are also exact (at least according to my memory). I am doing this as sort of a writing exercise, you know for that book I’m going to write sometime in the undefined future.

Act the First. In this one the conversation happened as written but the events surrounding it are blurred in my memory so I’ve inserted the conversation into a real occurrence but separate event...

Claire wakes up. Claire comes into our room and does her ritual “happy time” morning dance. She calls the morning “Happy Time” I have no idea why she does this but she does. Anyway, Hillary tells her to go to the bathroom (she still forgets in the morning to go because she is so excited about “Happy Time” that she just can’t think about anything else…and yes I am being serious). Claire exits.

Claire returns after about 10 secs. (absolutely no way she went to the bathroom in that amount of time) Hillary says: “did you go?”

Claire: “yep.”

Hillary: “I don’t think you went are you sure?”

Claire: “Cross my heart?”

Hillary: “What?”

Claire: “Cross my heart”

Hillary: “Where did you learn that? Who said that?”

Claire: “Claire did”

Hillary (slightly exasperated): “I know, but who said it before you?” Did dad say it?

Claire (also slightly exasperated): “No, just Claire.”

Hillary (now, fully exasperated): But where did you hear it? Did one of the kids at the park say it?

Claire (also now, fully exasperated): No just me.

Hillary (extremely exasperated): No, you didn’t make it up, you heard it somewhere, where was it?

Claire (also, extremely exasperated): NO, JUST ME.

At this point I enter the quickly escalating conversation:

Will (beyond exasperated): It’s from Robin Hood. You know when they shoot the arrow over the wall and the little rabbits and turtle are going to get it and the rabbit says you have to take an oath not to tell and goes “spiders, snakes and a lizards tongue cross my heart and hope to die, if I tattle I’ll die till I’m dead” and then the little turtle says “but I don’t want to die..”

Silence.

Claire and Hillary look at me.

Faint tinkling sound like a tiny brook or stream.

Claire: “I need to go potty.”

Act the Second. Hillary, Claire and Will are in the front room. Will is eating breakfast at the table; Claire is frolicking in the front room chasing the sunlight, exuding a sort of empyreal exuberance of which only a three year old experiencing her “Happy Time” in the morning is capable.

Hillary: Claire are you ready for Easter?

Claire: Yes!

Hillary: Should we look for some Easter eggs?

Claire: No bones about it.

Hillary: What?

Claire: Mom, just no bones about it.

Hillary: Where do you get this stuff kiddo?

Claire: There’s just no bones mom.

Will: Yeah, no bones about it mom, let’s just look for some Easter Eggs.

They look for eggs.

Act the Third. The next day. Claire wakes up. Enter Claire into Will and Hillary’s room to do her ritual morning “Happy Time” dance. Will groans and pretends he is still asleep.

Claire: “Good morning everybody. It’s happy time!”

Hillary: “Good morning Claire!”

Claire: “Mommydaddy (said as one word) are you awake?”

Hillary: “Yep. Are you ready for breakfast?”

Will: (no response)

Claire: Is daddy awake?

Hillary: Not yet.

Claire (in lowered whispered voice): Mommy’s just awake but Daddy’s just grouchy.

Hillary: Yep.

Claire: Can I have treats for brefest?

Hillary: How about oatmeal.

Exit Hillary and Claire.

Enter Hillary and Claire into kitchen/front room. Claire has a blow of oatmeal in front of her and is singing to/ eating her breakfast.

Hillary: Finish your oatmeal. I’m going to take a shower. Stay here until you are done.

Exit Hillary. Shower water starts in the background.

Claire puts down her spoon. Looks around. Climbs down out of her chair at the table. Cautiously glances down the hall to where the bathroom door and Will and Hillary’s bedroom door is. She enters the kitchen quietly. Deftly climbs the cupboards with practiced easy onto the counter top. Crosses over the stove, climbs on top of the microwave and reaches her Easter basket filled with candy filled eggs on top of the refrigerator. Quickly and quietly retraces her steps and sits on the couch in the front room to enjoy her spoils.

Stop Shower water.

Enter Hillary.

Claire blissfully eating jellybeans: Hi Mom!

Hillary (somewhat impressed by Claire’s tenacity and resourcefulness): UH,Hi Claire. What do you think you are doing?

Enter Will quietly in the background. Looking grouchy.

Claire (matter of factly): Just eating treats.

Hillary: Sheesh kid. You are a candyaholic.

Calire: No, just a treataholic.

Hillary: No bones about it Claire.

Will (from the kitchen): No bones about it.

Claire (to Hillary): Hey, where did you learn that from?

Hillary (laughing): Magic School Bus.

Claire (to Will): Hey, dad, who told you that?

Will: Claire did!

Claire: No just Robin Hood.

Curtain.

Notes on historical accuracy. The first act is already explained in the body. The second act happened exactly as written. The third act is actually two separate events that did happen on the same day but not right after each other. The morning is exactly correct up to the conversation between Claire and Hillary starting with you’re a candyaholic. This conversation happened exactly as written but it actually occurred later in the afternoon after lunch rather than after breakfast.